Ashley (deadly_desires) wrote in two_pack,
Ashley
deadly_desires
two_pack

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Helpless...

I'm having one of those months...Those months that no matter what you do.. Or What you say..No one really notices or hears you...

I don't know if its stress or not..But I just feel so helpless now.. I'm one of the those people that has an order on how they do things.. Things like cleaning the house.... Hanging out with friends....And if that order get messed up then I shut down cuz I don't know what to do...

For Example...

Yesterday was registration...And I was going to pick up Matt (from HIS house) and then pick up leena...and then go to registration...But then he says that he was at jakes...So then I had to think of a way to get all the way across town the quickest...The reason why i thought Matt was at his own house cuz I thought he would remember that it would've been easier from the last we hung out...Also I realized that Leena's house is a direct route to leena's so yea.. it would've been easier that way.. But alas.. My order got messed up...and I was all grrr...about it.. And Matt knew it..

So I ended up showing up late to Leenas.. and then late to registration which means that I would be late to work...But the thing is... I felt bad that I couldn't do anything for Matt... Although I don't know why...Its like it was my fault that I couldn't get the car any earlier...and that it was my fault that I had work that day...And that just made me feel even worse... Its not fun when your crying all the way from where your boyfriend is.. to where your friend is...And then when she asks you whats wrong...you just say its really bad allergies...

And last night I called him hoping that we could hang out today...But I don't think he was home...(probably at Jakes or something...)...And then i was hoping that he'd leave me an e-mail but he didn't.. and then i thought he would've been online but he isn't... And then my sister calls me and say as me if I can come a little earlier.. and I was like how earlier.. and then she was like "I have to take BB(mother-in-law) to the doctor at 1030..." And I was like "What the fuck.. Thats not earlier...That babysitting the whole damn day..."... The funny thing that I really did say that.. Cuz all I was supposed to do was take my nephew to football practice and that was it... But now I have to show up at my sisters house at 1030...Babysit them plus one cousin and an elderly man.. Then take the kids to Mcdonalds playplace... Deal with my nephew GB being a total pain in the ass.. Restrain myself killing him... and then try not to explode cuz I want to get away from them...

I just wish people would consider the fact that I have plans to...
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